I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, and my fingers…because I can always count on them.
this will be my speech when i win an oscar
Don’t forget the hips, for not lying.
I Don’t Know How Much Vodka I Put In This But I’m Going To Drink It Anyways: a memoir
This drink tastes awful, but I can’t waste alcohol: a sequel
I’m going to get a bigger glass and add more mixer and have way too much to drink: The Thrilling Conclusion
dont you dare think
for even a second
that nobody saw you
when you decided this waS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO PARK YOUR VEHICLE BECAUSE I SAW IT OKAY I FUCKING SAW IT YOUR CRAPPY PARKING JOB IS ON GOOGLE MAPS IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD
how did you find this